Cleo Lawrie – The Road to Recovery
4th February 2021
My name is Cleo Lawrie and I love netball! Before my injury in January 2020, I played for St Andrews Academy, Paisley Juniors Netball Club, Renfrewshire District, and I was also an athlete within the National Hub.
Netball was pretty much my life! I was injured in January, at first, I was told in A&E that there was nothing wrong with me and I would be fine. I was so frustrated I felt like no one believed me, however, my mum knew that there was something wrong and after many heated appointments with my GP I finally got the much-needed referral. I was referred to an amazing consultant who completely turned things around for me, at just my first appointment I was told I would need immediate surgery!
This was an absolutely terrifying concept for me as surgery had always been one of my worse fears. My consultant informed me that I would be operated on in just 2 weeks and that he still didn’t know what was wrong with my left knee, this did not fill me with confidence, and I was extremely worried going into surgery as I didn’t know what he was going to have to do to my knee!
I was told it was mandatory that I have surgery immediately as if it was left any longer it would never be repairable and I would never get back to my beloved sport, and I would face difficulties running and even walking.
The night before my surgery which was in March, my consultant phoned with the results of my MRI scan, he explained to my parents that it was a lot worse than he primarily thought. I had fully ruptured (and squashed) my ACL as well as having two major tears in my meniscus – the cartilage underneath the knee cap. I was completely disheartened, and I was losing all hope for athletic future.
My surgery took around 4 hours and I did not react well to the anaesthetic, I woke up screaming and shouting – which I am thoroughly embarrassed about now! – and the pain was unbearable, like nothing I had experienced before. The recovery after this was excruciating and felt never ending. I went from an athlete training a minimum of 7 times a week to bed bound.
My COVID-19 lockdown included learning to stand, walk, and climb stairs which seemed like Everest at the time. The start of my rehabilitation process was so difficult. I began to feel absolutely useless without netball like I had absolutely no purpose or right to be here. Every day was a battle not only physically but mentally. I was at an all time low and I began to worry my family, I just wasn’t myself at all I felt so heartbroken like I was grieving my loss of netball.
I couldn’t think of it without crying and I had never longed for anything more than to be back on court. I worked so hard for so long trying to earn a Thistles dress and I knew it had been taken from me. However, things started to look up after this rollercoaster and whirl wind of emotions, I started to regain faith. I was making steady progress through my rehab, and I could jog for almost 5 minutes! (I know this may not seem like a lot to most but it was the most I had accomplished in months).
I fully believe the universe was on my side once more and I was on my way to success! In September I was supposed to have my “send off” consultation, which I was so excited for, I physically couldn’t wait. It’s the last appointment you have with your surgeon to have the thumbs up that it’s all down to physio, rehab and some hard work from then on. My “send off” went in a completely different direction. I was told that it didn’t matter how hard I worked or how much pain I had put myself through, my efforts were pointless.
COVID-19 had ruined yet another aspect of my life as well as my families. I was absolutely crushed and felt completely defeated, and I began to give up after I was told I needed more surgery. As a result of being in lockdown for several months, I had three masses growing inside my knee all made up of scar tissue and gunk which wasn’t supposed to be there. They had to remove it or I would be back where I started which I couldn’t bare the thought of.
This really took a toll on me, I had feelings of worthlessness and self doubt constantly playing in my mind. My thought was that if I couldn’t even make it through this stage like so many athletes do, what is the point? I don’t deserve to be playing sport at the level I do. I must not be working hard enough. After my surgery things started to look up, I could fully straighten my leg which I hadn’t been able to do for 10 months!
I was overwhelmed by the fact I could walk normally again never mind running or jumping. I was in shock for weeks just every time I made it through a day without experiencing any pain at least once. I am now back on track with my rehab, I’ll be doing sport specific training by January, playing by August and back on court by September! (if the corona virus is feeling generous).
This past year has been an absolutely tragic and heartbreaking time for me, but I am so grateful for my experience, I am so lucky to have been able to learn and grow the way I did. And although it was not my first hope for 2020 I am truly blessed to be where I am today and have the support system I do. It has been a journey for not only me but my amazing rehab team, loving family and caring friend. I’m also so excited that I am getting to share my experience with others and help my fellow athletes through what is such a challenging time for everyone.
Thank you to Cleo for sharing her incredible story! If you or your club would like to share a #PowerOfSport story tell us here!
